In Trump’s first month in office he has made approximately 67 attempts to sneak out of Washington. Each time he has been caught by his staff or secret service.
Earlier this month was New York Fashion Week. NYFW is an event Trump likes to attend every year and he loves to sit front row at high-end fashion runway shows. Unfortunately for Trump, he is the President and his presidential duties have to take priority over attending NYFW.
Trump was unaware of this until his first week in office. Trump told Senior Counsellor Dina Habib Powell after an economic policy meeting, “there is no way I’m going to miss NYFW, it’s like missing my own wedding, right?.” Powell responded, “no it’s not.” Trump continually went person to person in the White House, asking for validation to take 6 days off for NYFW, and everyone he asked went against him. Trump even went to the streets and asked Juan Diaz a street vendor who sells Washington D.C. hoodies to see if he would agree with him taking time off for NYFW. Trump was surprised that Diaz being in the fashion industry disagreed with him going.
On the night of February 8th, the day before opening night of fashion week, Trump was lying in his bed in the Presidential bedroom looking at the ceiling imagining himself front row at the Alice and Olivia fashion show. When it sunk in that he wasn’t going to be there he snapped and said, “fuck this.”
Trump got out of bed, called Melania who’s living in Trump Tower in New York with Barron, and told her he was going to be there in a few hours.
At 11 P.M. Trump put on his suit, Tom Ford eyewear, and a black shoulder length wig, and walked out of his bedroom. Jerome Collins a secret service agent, who guards the bedroom said, “President Trump, is that you?”. Trump responded, “yes,” and asked Jerome if he can take him for a quick stroll around the city on the “DL,” Trump put out his fist to get a fist bump from Jerome. Jerome a little confused bumped Trump’s fist and told him It’s kind of late, and there aren’t enough secret service agents working right now to take you around town.
Trump yelled, “what the fuck, where are they all?” Jerome responded, “At Home…with their families probably sleeping.” Trump responded, “Jerome, if you take me around town I will give you $1 Million.” Jerome retracted his earlier statement and said that he can take him out immediately.
Jerome and Trump walked down to the front entrance where Peter Sherman another secret service agent was. Sherman didn’t question what the President was wearing because his son is a crossdresser, but he asked Jerome and the President where the two were going. Jerome responded, “just for a quick loop around the monuments, the President hasn’t seen the monuments at night yet.”
Sherman denied the two leaving, telling them that it’s late and there aren’t enough secret service agents working to escort him. Jerome tried pleading with Sherman, but Sherman continued to deny the request. Trump stepped in and offered Sherman $1 Million to let him and Jerome pass. Sherman said, “Sure, but I need to get the check first.” The President irritated said, “fine I’ll go get you your check.” Jerome also requested that he gets his check as well, “If you are going to give him a check I want my check too.” The President frustrated responded, “FINE!”
The President ran upstairs with Jerome to the Oval Office and wrote 2 checks for $1 Million and brought it down. Sherman took the check and opened up his Bank Of America App on his iphone and did a mobile deposit. He also asked President Trump if he could make a quick video of Trump saying that he is giving a $1 Million check to him, just so Trump wouldn’t be tempted to cancel the check later. Trump losing his patience agreed to do it.
Sherman asked Trump to look in the camera and repeat, “I President Donald Trump am giving a check to Peter Sherman for the amount of $1 Million that will not be cancelled for any reason.” Trump repeated the words that Sherman provided him looking into the camera.
Jerome who didn’t know about the mobile deposit feature asked Sherman to show him how to do it so he could make his deposit as well. Sherman took 5 minutes to show Jerome how to do a mobile deposit as the President was losing his patience watched.
After the deposit was complete Jerome asked the President to look into his iphone lens and say exactly what he said in Sherman’s camera but to use his name.
Trump extremely frustrated grabbed Jerome’s iPhone and yelled,
“I am writing a CHECK to these guys (pointing the camera at Jerome and Sherman) and I 100% authorize it. I definitely won’t fucking cancel the checks! “
As soon as Jerome stopped recording. Trump asked, “are you guys happy now, can we get going?”
Sherman asked Jerome to e-mail him the video so he has a back up. It took about 4 minutes for the video to get sent to Sherman because it’s a big file and the White House WIFI network was running slow. Once Sherman confirmed that he got the file, he allowed Trump and Jerome to exit.
Jerome and Trump got into a black Escalade. After driving half a mile down Constitution Ave. Trump told Jerome to show him where Union Station is. Jerome responded, “Union station, why?” Trump told Jerome, “because I wrote you a fucking million dollar check, that’s why?.” Jerome said, “true dat,” and got the President to Union Station fast.
As they pulled up to Union Station, Trump told Jerome to pull over, Trump unbuckled his belt, reached over and pushed Jerome’s face, opened the door, and made a run for it. Jerome got out of the car, closed the door Trump left open, got back in the Escalade and left.
Once Trump got in, he asked the information desk for an Amtrak ticket to New York City. The Union Station employee said the last train left 10:10 P.M. Trump yelled, “shit.” He cussed out the Union Station employee and called her worthless. She told the President, “fuck you,” the President yelled back with all of his voice and body, “FUCK YOU!”
Trump called Jerome to pick him up. Jerome requested another $1 Million, Trump responded, “fuck you Jerome.” Jerome explained, that since Trump escaped his watch, he would not only get fired but possibly never find a job again. Trump told him, “fine I will write the check to you as soon as we get back to the White House.” Jerome told him he would be right there.
When Jerome pulled up, Trump grabbed the handle which was locked and yelled at Jerome, “open the fucking door!” Jerome rolled down the back passenger side window, and made the President say into his iphone lens while recording that he will write Jerome another check for $1 Million. Trump furious started kicking the door, and then tried to climb into the Escalade from the window but didn’t come close to getting in.
Trump yelled into Jerome’s lens, “I will write you another check for $1 Million dammit. You fucking happy now.” Jerome asked the President to say who he is writing the check to and to speak clearly. The President provided him his request coherently.
Jerome was satisfied, and let the President into the Escalade.
When the two pulled up to the White House, Steve Bannon in a black trench coat was standing by the entrance steps. When Trump got out of the Escalade Trump said, “Steve I can explain I….” Steve Bannon slammed Trump against the Escalade gripping his throat and told Jerome to back the fuck up. With Trumps body pressed up against the SUV, Bannon spoke in Trumps ear, “This is the last time you try to sneak out of Washington, you hear me? You can leave when I give you permission. I’m fed up with this Donald, If you do it again, I’ll fuckin break both of your legs and you will be in a fucking wheelchair like President Franklin D. fucking Roosevelt.”
Bannon let go of Trump. Trump dropped to his knees coughing as he was trying to catch his breath. Bannon vanished. Trump asked Jerome to give him a hand getting up, Jerome responded, “For an extra $100k you got a deal.”