On Thursday morning President Trump sent an email to Republicans requesting that none of them try to have sex with his daughter Ivanka Trump, who now has the role of Assistant to President.
Here is the e-mail Trump sent to all GOP members in Washington:
Dear fellow Republicans,
Today is my daughter Ivanka’s first day working as, Assistant to President (Me). I am very excited for her and I know that she will do a great job. She will be working very closely with me as well as several of you, and I expect us all to achieve a lot of great things for the American people together.
As her father, I would like to request that no one tries to have sex with Ivanka. She is a very sexy women, and I know everyone on this e-mail would love to have a go with her, but I am requesting us all to be professional, including me.
I know this will be hard for most of you, after all, Ivanka’s looks has made it possible for her to work as a model, with her photos appearing in such magazines as Vogue, Maxim, and Stuff. The Stuff magazine spread was my favorite. Here is a titlicious photo from it:
Unfortunately for men everywhere, she decided to become a businesswoman, taking her away from being in magazines.
A common thing men do is to try to make an attempt at having sex with a perfect 10 like Ivanka. PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!!!!!
I also don’t want Ivanka to call me after a meeting she had with one of you, saying that, ” ___________, tried to kiss me.” Or, “___________ thrusted his hips on my butt when I bent over to pick up my pen.” Or, ” ____________, ______________, and _____________, had their dicks out during our meeting.”
THIS CANNOT HAPPEN!
If you get an erection while being around Ivanka, please excuse yourself to rub one out. You can use any bathroom or the Lincoln bedroom.
If you have any questions, you know where to find me. My door is always open.
The Greatest President, Donald J. Trump
Several Republicans in Washington were extremely offended that Trump felt the need to send this e-mail. They were displeased that Trump would accuse them of having the intent to sexually harass Ivanka.
Paul Ryan was extremely upset about this e-mail. Ryan replied back to the e-mail, saying that the it was completely unnecessary and unacceptable, especially since Ivanka is married, as well as every Republican on the e-mail.
Trump replied back, calling Ryan gay.