Republican Mob Assaulted Ted Cruz For Getting Embarrassed by Sally Yates

Senator Ted Cruz was attacked by a mob of Republicans on Monday for getting embarrassed by former acting attorney general, Sally Yates, during a senate hearing earlier in the day.

On Sunday evening, while Cruz was going over his notes for the hearing, he received a skype video call from President Trump and several Republicans. Some of the Republicans on the call were Vice President Pence, Paul Ryan, Kevin McCarthy, and Kevin Brady.

On the call the President made it very clear that he wants Yates to look like, “a dumb bitch, who doesn’t know shit.” Ryan told Cruz that it is important that we win this because the party is getting a lot of heat for the proposed Healthcare bill, and if Cruz look smart during Yates’ hearing, the Republicans will get some momentum again.

Cruz told the group that he understood what is at stake and he is ready to “eat her ass.” Everyone paused in surprise of the phrase the Senator used. Cruz then said, “Come on guys, you know what I mean,” which was followed by everyone laughing at Cruz. To not make Cruz feel all alone the President said on the call that he wouldn’t mind eating her ass too.

The last to speak was Kevin McCarthy. McCarthy told Cruz that if he didn’t knock it out the park during the hearing that, he will get his ass kicked badly. Cruz asked what he meant by that, and McCarthy pulled out a pair of brass knuckles which had engraved, “lying” on the right pair, and “Ted” on the left pair.

McCarthy told Cruz that this hearing is so important to them that these types of measures have to be made.

“Are you fucking kidding me? This isn’t UFC, this is a damn hearing,” Cruz said. McCarthy told Ted to make sure he brings his A game because this cannot go badly. The President agreed with McCarthy and told Cruz that he expects him to do terrific.

The President ended the call. Cruz knew that he has to be extra sharp so he didn’t sleep all night, instead he rewrote his statement to Yates to ensure he will make her look dumb.

Unfortunately, Cruz’s efforts didn’t work out the way he hoped.

On Monday morning the Republicans as well as the rest of America witnessed Ted Cruz get embarassed by Sally Yates (See Video).

As soon at the hearing ended, Cruz knew he was in big trouble. McCarthy who was in the crowd during the hearing, held up his right fist with the custom brass knuckles on it.

Cruz gathered his things quickly and ran out of the building. When he got to his car in the garage he didn’t have his keys with him. As he turned around to run back and grab them, McCarthy was standing right there in the shadow and slowly emerged with his car keys.

“Forgot something Ted?” McCarthy asked Cruz. Cruz said, “yeah those are the keys to my Tesla.”

From all corners of the garage house around 15 Republicans walked up and surrounded Cruz. McCarthy told Cruz, “At least you are buying American, but electric cars are not what the Republican party stands for, neither is getting our asses handed to us by Sally Fucking Yates!”

“I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT, PLEASE DON’T HURT ME,” said Cruz.

McCarthy and the other 15 Republicans didn’t care to hear Cruz’s excuses, and they went ahead and beat him up badly.

Paul Ryan put Cruz in a full nelson as the other 14 took shots at Cruz’s body with McCarthy’s brass knuckles.

After the beating, with Cruz’s back to the ground, McCarthy pulled out his penis and urinated on Cruz’s face, and told Cruz, “that’s from the President.”

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