Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord on Thursday because he doesn’t want his youngest son Barron to have sex with more ladies than him.
When Barron was 5 years old, President Trump’s good friend Rudy Giuliani, who was over at Trump tower for dinner, told Trump, “Barron is really good looking, I bet he will end up getting more ass in his life than you!”
Trump didn’t like the possibility that another male in his family would get more women than him, and since that day he wanted to make sure that didn’t happen.
Trump figured the best way to make sure Barron doesn’t get more “ass” than him besides killing him, is by making sure there is no future. He knows the biggest threat to humanity is climate change, and he figured that the best way to reduce Barron’s chances of getting more “ass” than him is to accelerate climate change.
Trump immediately started investing in coal and oil, including the Keystone XL pipeline. This move, however, wasn’t working fast enough since the world was switching to renewables rapidly.
In 2014, when Barron was 8, Trump knew he was running out of time before Barron starting hooking up and having sex. Trump decided the only way to accelerate climate change is to get the world to stop investing in renewables. He knew he needed to have more influence, so he decided to run for President.
Trump worked overtime every day during his campaign to make sure he won the election. He even spoke to groups of coal miners, which was a surprise because he thinks coal miners are the most mindless people in the world for choosing to work in a dirty cave doing manual labor, when they could easily learn to do a clean power job that pays more. Trump was desperate for their vote so he did what he had to do to get it.
When Trump finally won the election, he wanted to get to work on his “Barron Can’t Get More Ass Than Me Plan.” He hired Scott Pruitt a leading climate change denier to lead the EPA, and on June 1st 2017, he pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Accord.
His plan is to destroy the planet before Barron turns 40. If he accomplishes this, he is certain that Barron will not get more ass or grab more pussy than him.